There is a part of being chronically ill that a lot of people don’t want to talk about it.  Fear.  The fear that now exists in the mind of a ‘sick’ person.  With ITP there were so many aspects of my life that I used to take for granted that became fraught with danger and worry.  I remember when I was first diagnosed with ITP I became afraid of everything.  And this fear often went unspoken.

Standing at the top of a tall flight of stairs covered in people was a frightening idea.  I became scared of riding my bicycle on the road, wondering if I could make it to the hospital if I was hit by a car.  I became scared of heights and cars and crossing a busy street.  I felt afraid of knives, blades and hitting my head on cupboard doors.  I was scared of hurting myself and bleeding in front of others, having them stare or worse still fuss over me.  A lot of these fears moved to the back of my mind, replaced by other worries like being late, or loosing my wallet, but there is one fear that is still with me.

I am still afraid of being alone. I don’t mean alone for the night at home, or walking to work down a quiet street, but I mean really alone.  I am scared to live in a house on my own and I am still scared if there is no one around me who knows that I am sick.

I have not found anyway of making that fear go away. Sometimes I think that there is no cure for fear, you just learn to be ok with its presence.  But you can reduce the worry.  Take such amazing care of yourself, that you become your own career.  And then there is always someone around looking out for you.  Always someone to take care of you.  You.

If you know someone that does suffer a chronic illness perhaps you could ask them about there fears, get them talking about what they have become afraid of.  It can reduce the power, if fears are released from the mind.